Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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