I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
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