Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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