You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Randomize
