Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
