Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
My ATM looks so different sober.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
