My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize