She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
