is your mom at the bar?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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