Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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