I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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