We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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