how can u be prego again
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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