I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
