i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
