wanna go halves on a baby?
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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