new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
