I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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