Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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