if you like me you must not know who I am
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
