I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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