you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
