You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
