ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
