my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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