Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
