i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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