Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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