He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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