i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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