she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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