im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
