I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
