My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize
