As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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