I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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