so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
