This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
