The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
