I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
