Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
