Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
