he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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