I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
50% drunk capacity currently
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
