I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
