its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
