Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
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