I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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