this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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