pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
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Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
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I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
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