u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
