I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
