Screwed.edu
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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