my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I need a beard to bite.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
