i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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