new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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