Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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