Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
