No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
