I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
