You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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