i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
