I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
