Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
